don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
ok first of all what the fuck
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
