I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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