dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
