I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
