I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
