My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
