Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
