Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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