I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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