OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
