Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
