The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
