You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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