ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
