Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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