So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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