Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
