I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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