my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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