Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
