I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
