Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
