I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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