One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
