a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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