I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just want nice things and good sex
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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