Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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