this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
