i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
