Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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