i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
