just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
