I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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