Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
