First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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