I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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