Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
