i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
