so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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