tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
