After last night, I could never be a politician.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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