I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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