I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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