Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
