she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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