Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
nutella sex= disaster
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
