I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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