What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
