I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
