Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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