her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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