i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
