I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
