I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
