totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
