dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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