Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The uberlube is also flammable
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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