she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am available for nakedness
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
