She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
