Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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