You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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