so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
