I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
