We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
its liver damage thursday
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
