i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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