What a fucking waste of an outfit
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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