OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
