Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize