At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
