Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Floor bacon is actually really good
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
