My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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