who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
