My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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