if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
