He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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