I just made out with a guy for $7.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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