never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
