please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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