you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
