my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
