By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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