her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
