shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
