Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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