Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
