omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize