Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
