He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
