So drunk its hurt
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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