My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
