If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
