So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
