I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
