Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
