they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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