apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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