false alarm. still invincible.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
