They should really pass out barf bags in church
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
