I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
