apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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