omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
