Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
