also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
did i just pee glitter
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
