She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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