the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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