my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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