This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
