I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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